newest cool Janey stuff...

cool new stuff from jane:

1. She loves to call for Duke, the cat. She LOVES the cats. Can't get enough of them. They hate her petting (aka grabbing) but she loves them. if you ask her to help call for Duke she sings out a sweet little "dooo?" over and over again. One day last week he meowed outside her door when she was waking up, and I heard her over the monitor, "doo?"

2. Looks like a 4th tooth is coming in!

3. She's standing on her own for a few seconds at a time these days. And, loves to walk assisted.

4. Still loving the itsy bitsy spider, and she's getting even better at the hand motions!

5. this morning she was doing the cutest thing. We have this adorable little stuffed rag doll kitty that Sarah sent, and Jane is becoming more and more enamored. This morning I was playing with her, and cuddled the kitty to me. She reached out, I gave it to her, and she mimicked the cuddling! She loved that game.

6. She says no, all the time! When she means no, she says no. When she means yes, she says no. When she means blablabla, she says no. And, really cute singsong voice. love it.

7. she's trying to mimic the words "thank you." dear god, I hope I have a polite child!!

that's it for now. Feeling in a very I-Love-Janey mood today. she's great.

First day of December...

how is it even possible? Just 6 short weeks until we celebrate a full year of Janey. it's nearly impossible to believe. But, enough of that--I'm in denial that my little one is so close to one. Here's what we've been up to:

Janey's first thanksgiving! As expected, Janey *thrived* with all of the love and attention from Ted, Maggie, Amy and Tammy--maybe too much: she turned into an insomniac and was up much of the night both nights. Some teeth coming in, unusual environment, napping schedule off-kilter....everything came together for a perfect storm of limited sleep. But, it was great to be with the family. Uncle Ted seemed particularly charmed by Miss Jane--must find more frequent opportunities to get together with the Roanoke clan. We're already talking the next visit with the Michiganders. what a wonderful addition to our life they are!

Janey seemed nonplussed by much of the Thanksgiving food--I think her teeth were keeping her from eating well, but she did love gravy! (but really, who doesn't??)

Back home by around 4:30 on Saturday, and Sunday was full of church, errands, and nice hang out with Auntie Sam. We're now in the midst of trying to prep for Janey's dedication (UU approach to baptism) on Sunday, followed by a casual lunch at our house...you know, for EIGHTEEN! crazy, but fun. I have some crazy work stuff this week, which means Mere is on the hook for nighttime duty, but she's stepped up as usual.

I think I see our next milestone in sight: walking. Janey has been doing more unassisted standing, and she's ready to keep moving. gah. she just keeps getting faster! And, cuter. It seems impossible, but true.

We are headed to the white house on Thursday for the Christmas tree lighting ceremony (hooray!), and NYC next weekend to hang with Isa, Kevin, Sarah, Donovan, et al, and see Rockefeller Center and perhaps Santa Land. can't wait.

Ruminations on juggling it all...

so, I'm pretty sure my harpyness (?) is directly correlated to sleep deprivation and work overload. Not a shocking observation, but I came to the conclusion last night that I just need to take a deep breath before reacting in exasperation. Am I really annoyed with the person I'm about to snap at? (usually, sadly for her, Meredith) Or, am I just annoyed or overtired in general? Hoping to rein in the unnecessary crankiness. Mere asked if I thought I needed to go see a therapist. I'm not opposed to the idea of therapy (good thing, since it's one of my prospective long term career goals!) I just don't know that I need it right now. What I need is a baby who sleeps, and some relief at work at times....last week I was logging on from work every night, sometimes until midnight. I know that's a regular occurence for some folks, but not for me, and, frankly, I don't get paid enough for it to be a regular occurence for me. So, needless to say, I'm feeling much better this week. Only two meetings on my calendar, and I am knocking stuff off my to-do list like it's going out of style. And, today's already the last day of the work week.

Can't wait to see Janey at her first thanksgiving tomorrow! happy turkey day to all.

Monday morning regrets

so, I think I have officially turned into a harpy. This weekend was hard for me for some reason. I felt really tired and worn out, and kept taking it out on Meredith. snapping about really stupid crap that had NOTHING to do with how I was really feeling. Which is, frankly, that I don't ALWAYS want to hang with Jane. I feel like that means I'm a terrible mom, but it's true. I know other moms who seem to be constantly over the moon about their kids, and I think I must be a terrible person because sometimes I just want to have a day to myself. Even if that day is spent cooking and cleaning and doing laundry, etc.....I feel like I am better at that stuff than chasing after Jane a lot of the time. I love her, she's my light and she's lots of fun, etc. But, on Saturday afternoons when she's driving me crazy instead of taking her nap and giving me some downtime, I feel like I'm going to lose it. Thankfully, I have a wonderful partner who sees that and takes Jane for a 3 hour adventure, but am I the only one who feels this way? I can't be the only one, but I feel like it.

Are there other people like me out there? I sure as hell hope so, or maybe I'm headed to the loony bin. It's just that everything seems harder than it should right now. Jane's sleeping is a bit off again, but I shouldn't be thrown for such a loop about it, I think. I don't know. It was probably more acute this weekend because I just came off of one of my hardest weeks at work in a while. Constantly ON, running, racing to meet deadlines, trying to connect with important folks, and worrying that I was leaving to much of the actual parenting to Meredith. And, often, if I'm going to be honest about it, happy that I could leave much of the parenting time to Meredith. which, again, starts the cycle of feeling like a terrible mom.

But, we've talked about how I can be less harpy. I do take on a lot of Jane care and house care during the week, so we're going to try setting up a schedule over the weekend where I am NOT always expected to be the first responder for Jane's needs. Let me sleep in a little later, or maybe linger in a shower and feel like a human being for a little while. I hope it helps. I don't want to build resentment and let it all out at an inopportune time and on the wrong person.

just, feeling overwhelmed by needing to be constantly ON, and worried that I'm not always as excited about motherhood as other people seem to be.

Miss Jane....

is just astonishing these days! she LOVES to dance and shake her head to music, she is SLEEPING (waking up at 5:30 for a bottle, and then back to bed until 7:30 this week! awesome--I can get stuff done!), and I swear, she tries to do the motions for the itsy bitsy spider. She raises her hands up, she washes the spider out, and she claps at the end of the song. She also had a major giggle fest this morning during breakfast. I love it. And, will post video of the dancing soon.

holy crap...

one-click ordering with Amazon Prime is a dangerous thing...

Monday...

and, I fear I have not gotten nearly enough done and it's already 4:00. I'm having some writer's block, and feel a bit swamped by everything to get done. no good.

but, in other news: had a great, but really busy weekend. Lots of fun times with Miss jane, Mere, and friends. Baby Loves Disco is definitely not really for babies. More like Kid Loves Disco, but we'll check it out again when Jane's older. Had a really wonderful night of delicious food, wine, and good friends at my friend J's fabulous new apartment on Saturday, and then Sunday was: volunteering at church for lunch prep (SO fun), brunch with Janey's uncle R., errands, and then a housewarming party for friends who just moved close by. Festive and fun weekend, but a bit tiring. SO happy when Jane fell asleep early and STAYED asleep! (I was getting close to the end of my sleep rope, and am afraid I was a little negative on the whole thing on Saturday...when I was hanging out with a group of non-mom friends...think I might have scared some of them!)

I'm also trying to babyproof a little bit more at a time. took more stuff off of the shelves in the living room, tried to install a gate for the steps without any luck....need to work on the basement and our room next. Jane likes to Get Around. fun, but tiring, especially when I'm always worried she'll get into stuff she shouldn't, like cat treats and iPods. sigh. But, I love it when our living room is straightened up. It makes me happy!

Also on the list of things that make me happy: Jane's giggle, smoked gouda cheese, N's toffee chocolate chip cookies, catching up on all of the million shows on my DVR, and hanging with Mere. oh, and our cats. gotta love the cats.