oh, jane. why don't you sleep through the night??

it's been a LONG almost-six months in that regard. But, we're trying. Reading books, asking for advice, and hoping for the best. But, it's hard. Mere and I seem to be on slightly different pages--I'm more willing to try the tough love approach, while she resists. I understand it. I do. It's really hard to hear her crying. But, it's also really hard when none of us get enough sleep. We think it comes from her first month being so disrupted in the hospital, but maybe it has nothing to do with that. some kids are just lousy sleepers.

I worry that any efforts we make over the next few nights will be erased when we head out of town for the weekend, but I think we still need to try. right?

she's a wonderful baby aside from all of this, though. last week she really started sitting up, and is going gang busters! we now love squash, and reading books is getting more and more interesting. we also think she's starting to teethe--sometimes only a teether out of the fridge will do, and tylenole. but NOT baby orajel. apparently it tastes AWFUL. she looked at me like I was torturing her when I put it on her gums the other night!

I'm hoping this rough spot of sleep will resolve itself soon enough. It was kind of nice last night when she was asleep by 8. Mere and I actually relaxed! watched TV, talked, read, etc. of course, Janey was up at 11, but those three hours were great.

me, michelle, and 5 months ago

so, you might have heard: I shook Michelle Obama's hand yesterday!

She's wonderful. I love her. Now, if only her husband would get on the stick and do away with Don't Ask, Don't Tell. yes, I'm happy that he wants to push partner benefits for federal employees, but he can't just do one without the other and expect us all to be happy.

but, back to Michelle. I kind of want to be her when I grow up, but I don't want to go to the gym at 4:30 am every day. let's face it, I don't want to go to the gym at all! but, I love how she is really connecting with our community. the previous administration barely even acknowledged that they were in DC, but she's been speaking to students, grabbing BBQ and burgers, and engaging our philanthropic sector. all while being a mom to two kids who seem pretty cool and grounded.

It makes me happy to know that Janey will have role models like Michelle Obama. I know it sounds cliched, and I know that we will be her main role models, but I'm glad we can all look towards this new first family. I remember when Mere and I were lying on our bed, with new little 5 day old Janey in between us, listening to the inauguration speeches, and crying. here we were with this new little wonder, and we were able to feel pretty damn confident that she was entering a world that would be getting better and better each day for her. Knowing that she could look at the president and his family, and see people who looked like her. Here was a president who was a child of an inter-racial relationship....maybe 40 years from now we'll have a president who is a child of an inter-racial gay relationship? you never know. this little miss seems like quite the smarty pants to me. not that I'm biased.

I've been thinking a lot about where we were 5 months ago.
it's been 5 months since we brought her home, snuggled with her in our bed for the first time, realized how many diapers one 8 pound being can go through.
it's been 5 months since I admitted I was having trouble nursing, and since we realized she had only had one wet diaper in a day--not a good sign.
5 months since I first hooked myself up to a breast pump, and 5 months since I first cried about it.
5 months since I realized that not everything was going to go the way I thought it would--
5 months since we first gave her a bottle of formula.

and, 5 months ago, we had no idea she would get sick.

5 months ago, we thought we had a low-key, easy-going baby who hardly cried and liked to sleep. we didn't know she was sick, we didn't know the next month would turn our world upside-down, living in a hospital room in the PICU, meeting other families who might be worse off than us, but at the time, nothing could seem any worse than the hell we were going through.

5 months since we realized who was there for us, and who became a gaping disappointment.

over the past 5 months I've been constantly amazed by this little being, and by how mere and I have stepped up as moms. there's so much more to say about the past 5 months, but this is just the beginning...

first post

So, I've been thinking about this for a while....Janey's already 5 months old, and I've never even really written about what it's like to have her in my life, how I'm trying to handle the other aspects of my life--work, friends, and, oh yeah, my relationship with her other mom?!

that's what this space will hopefully become. a place to house all of those thoughts, especially about miss janey, and a place to share the latest with you all.

for now, it's back to work, but hopefully I can figure this out soon and keep posting.

in the meantime, janey's pretty excited about it.